Taking care of an aging family member who’s still living at home, like an elderly parent, is both rewarding and tiring. When your loved one has a chronic illness, or is beginning to experience cognitive impairment, it further complicates the issue. In most instances an adult daughter who lives nearby serves as a parent’s primary caregiver. But at some point the burden of caregiving eventually starts wearing them down. Exhaustion or even caregiver “burnout” becomes a real possibility. If you are currently in this situation, one of the ways to prevent caregiver burnout is to ask your family members to share caregiving responsibilities. But getting family members to pitch in can sometimes be frustrating, and relationships can get permanently damaged if you’re not careful. In order to facilitate a smoother recruitment process, use these proven steps.
Consider the Family Dynamics
All families are complicated and nobody’s perfect. Understand that your siblings may not see things the way that you do, and that doesn’t make them bad people. Strained relationships and sibling rivalries are common. Try accepting all your siblings for who they really are. Consider your roles within the family while growing up. Each child probably had a unique relationship with your parents when they were younger that may have carried over into their adult lives. If you don’t see eye-to-eye regarding your aging parent’s needs, that doesn’t mean that a sibling is uncaring, irresponsible or lazy. Once you’ve considered these family dynamics, and how they might influence individual caregiver strengths and weaknesses, you’re ready to meet with your siblings about mom or dad’s care.
Hold a Family Meeting
Invite your siblings and their spouses over to your home for a casual conversation about how to share caregiving responsibilities. Let them know you could use their help. Refrain from trying to make anyone feel guilty because they could get defensive. Your siblings may respond with criticism or even avoid you altogether, and that’s not going to improve your situation. During this family meeting calmly cover these topics:
The Caregiving That’s Needed
Discuss the daily or weekly caregiving assistance your parent needs based upon your observations. This could include cleaning, laundry, meals, transportation, outdoor work or personal hygiene.
Ask Your Siblings for Help
When doing so, allow them to choose tasks that they would be interested in performing. You’ll get better compliance when you let them pick activities they are more comfortable with, or skilled at. For example, grown sons may be uncomfortable bathing or dressing their parents. However, tasks like yard work or household maintenance may be more in their comfort zone. Based on your discussion, assign specific duties for each sibling that match their strengths, weaknesses and comfort levels.
Try to Involve Everyone
Many hands make light work, and caregiving is no exception. If someone is reluctant to pitch in, try to find out why and address their concerns. If they are adamant about not doing so, don’t push the issue but respectfully thank them for coming to the meeting. With out-of-state siblings, talk to them on the phone later about assisting remotely with online bill-paying, record-keeping and managing other legal and financial affairs for your parent.
Agree to Keep the Family Informed
It’s a good idea to plan weekly or monthly follow-up meetings. These could include discussions on your parent’s condition, what everyone has observed, and any care adjustments that are needed. Those can be done in person, on the phone or through email.
Assign a Designated Contact Person
Discuss having one sibling serve as the lead for communicating with doctors, social workers, home care providers, etc. They will also be responsible for updating the family on what they learn. Take a family vote on who would best fit into this role, but don’t be surprised if it’s you!
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Many families have long, complicated histories that could resurface during these meetings. Sometimes those old wounds require outside intervention to heal. If this happens in your family, enlist the help of an outside professional to calm everyone down. This could be a trusted clergy member, social worker or therapist. They can help keep things focused on what’s most important – the care of your aging parent – so that all can help share caregiving responsibilities.
We Treat At-Home Seniors Like Family
There may be times when you’re unable to share caregiving responsibilities for your aging at-home parent. After a while the burden of taking on the caregiving load all by yourself can be exhausting. When you need a break, one of the reliable caregivers from Seniors Prefer Homecare can step in and provide your aging loved one with the dependable respite care they deserve. All our home care aids are well-trained, highly-qualified and carefully-screened for your loved one’s safety and security.
We provide senior home care assistance for light housekeeping, laundry, meals, transportation, personal hygiene and more, all delivered in an affordable and flexible package to put your mind at-ease. To learn more about why Seniors Prefer Homecare is quickly becoming the go-to-choice for families in the Huntsville and Tuscaloosa, AL areas, visit: www.seniorspreferhomecare.com now.